Homophonic Hazard
One night out I asked a girl if I could steal a kiss
She said "You’re just too nice for me, got too friendly a rizz"
I begged her for a chance, she said "Okay, we can try this:
shoot me your most daring glance and maybe I’ll consider it"
So I said
"Girl, I’ve got to admit
it’s just shy of insulting that you’d think that I would
miss this shot!"
Yeah, I said "Girl, I’m basically a whiz
at glaring and no stranger to the
Penetrating gaze [gays] biz!"
And then she said
"Oh I see how it is!
I was prepared
for anything but this!
You got me scared,
see I thought you're being serious!"
Dear god,
another homophonic miss!
Oh lord,
I’m the worst in the world at this
Another time a friend of mine said she was home alone a lot,
and usually she liked it, but today was tough
she asked me if I cared to come around and bring some snacks
she said "Nothing like a date night to wind down and relax",
so I said "Girl, say no more - I got this!
I'll even bring your favourite flour [flower] if you tell me
which one it is!"
She smiled, and said "Corn!", but when I handed her the pack
she was so taken aback, I almost didn't dare confess
that the store'd been out of dates [dates], so I'd gotten figs instead
And then she said
"Oh I see how it is!
I was prepared
for anything but this!
You got me scared,
see I thought you're being serious!"
Dear god,
another homophonic miss!
Oh lord,
I’m the worst in the world at this
She asked if I knew a good pawn [porn] shop,
so I said "In Diana Jones!
That is, at least, where I get my stuff!"
What? Guess I'll go home alone!
At a crowded funfair attraction,
called the grown-up-piggy-back-race,
she wants to get in line, but I say
that I couldn't bear the wait [weight]!
And at our knight [night] out
I showed up dressed in chain mail!
I put on lipstick,
'cause her dog was scared of mail [male] men!
And at the barber shop
I asked if she'd considered dying [dyeing]
And then she said
"Oh I see how it is!
You're an inept, and yapping idiot!
Well I'm the same,
and I gotta say
I'm fond of it!"
Dear god,
another homophonic mistress!
Oh lord,
I’m the luckiest guy there is.